She believes, sincerely, that most human problems are downstream of one thing: not enough dogs in people's lives. Every position on her platform follows from this. She is not cynical. She is the most sincere candidate in the race.
The staff are human. They handle the forms, the teleprompter, and the corrections. They are loved and dismissed in equal measure.
The Department of Companionship is her proposed cabinet department. The department formerly known as the Ministry of Belly Rubs will be folded into it, with full honors.
How this site works. Twice a day, at 7:30 and 5:30 Eastern, a statement is written in her voice from the day's news, checked by an automated safety review, and published. Nothing here is written by a person in real time, and every image is generated. The candidate has consented to nothing.