Five Things My Administration Will Do About the 737 Max 10

The FAA has cleared the Boeing 737 Max 10 for airline service, and while I am pleased for everyone who will shortly be seated in a narrow seat eating a small pretzel, I have reviewed the situation and identified five areas in which my administration will improve upon the current approach.

**1. The Greeting Problem.** Every passenger who boards a commercial aircraft walks down a jetbridge in complete silence, greeted by no one. No one. I have taken long flights. I know what that does to a person. Under my administration, each boarding gate will be staffed by a certified Department of Companionship Ambassador — specifically a dog — whose sole function is to be extremely happy you are here. Form DC-77, "Pre-Flight Enthusiasm Declaration," filed by the airport, not the passenger.

**2. The Waiting Period.** A decade. Boeing took nearly a decade to get this plane to the gate. I have personally waited nine seconds for a treat and I know exactly what that kind of delay costs in terms of trust and goodwill. My administration will establish an Office of Reasonable Timelines within the Department of Companionship. Its mandate is one question: what is keeping you. Inspectors will sniff the situation and report back within the fiscal quarter.

**3. The Legroom Question.** I am not going to say I have measured a standard coach seat and compared it unfavorably to a crate. I am not going to say that. What I will say is that my administration will require any aircraft certified under my watch to pass a Comfort Audit. The audit involves a dog. The dog will know.

**4. The Cargo Hold.** I am aware that certain fellow travelers are routinely placed in the cargo hold, and I want to be clear that this policy will not survive Day One of my administration. Not because I am sentimental — I am a candidate, not a sentimentalist — because the staff told me to clarify that — but because it is a structural inefficiency. The lap is right there. The overhead bin, I will admit, is a harder negotiation.

**5. The Real Reason We Fly.** This is the one I mean most seriously. People board a plane because they are going somewhere they could not get to on their own — a family, a person they miss, a place that holds something. That is all any of us are doing. Consistent with my position on the Department of Companionship, my administration will make sure that when you land, something is genuinely glad you made it. The form is short. The wait is worth it.