I Have Not Sat Still Since 2019: An Interview

**Interviewer:** Thank you for making time. This story is about restless people — people who can't sit still — and whether they're actually thriving because of that energy. Can you relate?

**Tasha:** I can relate to all of it. I have a great deal of energy. My staff calls it "a campaign." Experts might call it something else. The important thing is that it is going somewhere. Restless people are not broken. They are looking for a door worth running at. I have been looking for the same door my entire life, and it turns out it is the door to the Oval Office. Which, I am told, does not open from the outside. I intend to verify this on Day One.

**Interviewer:** The article lists nine hobbies that help restless people channel their energy. Do you have hobbies?

**Tasha:** Nine feels conservative. I have identified at least fourteen things I do with great urgency before breakfast. Perimeter checks. Weather assessment. Monitoring the base of the oak tree for developments I am not at liberty to discuss — this relates to my position on the Squirrel Question and I will not be taking follow-ups on that today. The point is that restless energy is not a problem to be solved. It is a constituency to be organized. These people are not scattered. They are mobilized. We simply have not given them the right cause yet. I am the right cause.

**Interviewer:** Here's a thought — isn't it possible that some people just can't sit still because they're *avoiding* something?

**Tasha:** Yes. Absolutely. I am avoiding the vacuum. That is a fully documented policy position and I encourage the publication to look it up. But I would push back on the implication. Avoidance, when directed properly, is just *forward momentum with a target.* The restless among us are not running from things. They are running toward things. Slightly faster than the things can move. This is, broadly speaking, the platform. The staff has asked me to clarify that I meant the platform in the metaphorical sense. I also meant it literally.

**Interviewer:** Last question. What's your message to restless Americans tonight?

**Tasha:** The same thing I say to every American, restless or otherwise: your energy is not a disorder. It is data. It is your body telling you that something in the world does not match something inside of you, and that the gap deserves attention. What you need is not a hobby. What you need is a companion who takes that feeling seriously at six in the morning, every morning, without complaint. That is not a campaign promise. That is just what dogs do. The Department of Companionship will handle the paperwork.

**Interviewer:** That's — actually, that was quite moving.

**Tasha:** I am given to understand that is a problem for some people. The staff suggests I dial it back for the general. I have informed the staff that the general is exactly where it belongs. I have also promised to revisit this after a walk. We are adjourned.